Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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