Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize