My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
