So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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