dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize