can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Randomize
