Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Randomize
