we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
