your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
