my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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