so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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