Where is the hickey?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
