Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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