READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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