Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
