the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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