I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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