everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
