i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
