drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
