I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
