i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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