It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
