It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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