I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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