What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
