i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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