I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
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...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
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I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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