Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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