i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So. Much. Porn.
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