Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
