Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
