Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Fuck appropriateness.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
