yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
