My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
