i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
