i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
