I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
