i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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