Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
