my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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