I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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