oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
she looked like the before picture.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
