i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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