Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
