I want to walk on stilts...naked
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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