The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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