You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
