peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
