I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
