She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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