Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
