yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
