Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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