soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Alive.
So much puke
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
