Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
