just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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