my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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