I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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