OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
