Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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