you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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