He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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