i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
