He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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