Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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