I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
