Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
