Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
