I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
