I wish they made helmets for livers.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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