Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
