We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
